We are, after all, creatures of ego
Contador Harrison “I just kinda lost my feelings for him,” Yolanda, a 26-year-old advertising executive, confided. “He wasn’t a buffoon, he never treated me wrong, and he definitely never cheated on me. It was the exact opposite, in fact. He was… too cool.” As I was listening to Yolanda’s story, I couldn’t help but notice that this is not the first time I’d heard the exact same thing. This past week, I met a latte loving gold digger who works as an advertising account executive and you’ve no idea how I felt like an 18th century bloke. “Whoa, there, buddy. First of all, treating a man like trash is not sexy. Girls love attention and affection and the likes of Contador Harrison cannot because he adores his work, money and dogs. Pure nonsense according to the lady and she warned me not to write about it on this blog. I think Contador Harrison doesn’t know what ‘caring, loving and attentive,’ means to a woman. My man is too nice, too caring and too attentive to the point that it stopped being affection and turned into subservience. I mean, how is he supposed to value me as an equal, let alone look up to me, if am no different than his butler?” As she was saying it aloud, the realization came to me that when we search for a partner, we search for someone that we can look up to, someone that we can be proud of, someone that we always want to impress. In order for a relationship to last, a couple has to be able to keep each other’s egos in check. Being a queen or king only feels great for a moment. The rest of the time we get bored from the absence of challenge. And really, we need that challenge. I think if we wanted someone to defer to us and obey our every command, we’d get a pet cat.
Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl falls in love with boy, boy puts girl on a pedestal and waits on her hand and foot, girl starts to take boy for granted and falls out of love with him. In one such case, I actually heard the story from a Sydney based friend’s side. “You know what? I’m just going to be a d-bag from now on,” said the then a 25-year-old dude I know, who might have drunk a glass too many that evening three years ago. “I tried being caring, loving and attentive, and look where that got me. If women prefer airheads to gentlemen, I’ll give it to them.” As you can tell, he was undergoing a really tough break-up after a long and tumultuous 37 months relationship. The break-up was a month before and as we chatted he wanted me to help him get back his game for some rebound actions. After his futile attempts at chatting up hot girls, and inclination to attract twenty to thirty-something gold diggers, I just had to let him know that women are not the best thing to think if you want success. Apparently, he went on a foul-mouthed rant in our ride home, pouring his frustrations out. As a good blud of mine, I recall how I had to stop his misleading thoughts. Kindness and selflessness are some of the thing that people look for in their partners. When a partner go overboard, admiration of partner used to feel towards those qualities normally turns into something else entirely. When one of the partner ego becomes much smaller than the other, that’s when it stops being a relationship of equals.