Stories of broken marriages

Posted on January 7, 2016 05:26 am

Marriages are considered to be the backbone of society but unfortunately, thanks to a combination of different factors, the rate of divorces are increasing every day and number of people living in bitterness thanks to broken marriages is getting bigger by the day.Quite recently, an economist friend, working with an international organisation, expressed curiosity as to why the divorce rate has increased. She told me that she had a dream to create her own family and have stability, and this led to two extremely unhealthy marriages. Luckily, she found her way out of both, but after being hurt and used so badly, she decided happiness just was not meant for her. Shortly afterwards, she met her current boyfriend, and everything clicked because she’s not asked or proposed marriage.For the first time, she has felt alive and complete. Having a man in her life is awe-inspiring. It has only reinforced her belief that a woman needs a man but not necessarily marriage.Unlike other women who were apparently married in church weddings, I was alone and isolated. I wasn’t the only woman living in turbulence and there were others around like me to talk with and relate to. No one knew understood what we struggled with each day, and we had no option but to keep it all inside.But after second marriage, I said never ever and in current non-marriage relationship am living happily, the lady added.

According to her, most courts conduct divorces for couples too easily.This topic was elicited by her inquiry if am still hanging like a “mangabey monkey”… a street slang meaning ‘single men’….of cause am still and will forever be.I loathe marriages with a passion and having seen what my friends have gone through, I would rather die than attempt anything of that sort. As a bloke with over 30 years of existence in this planet called earth, and based on my friends and relatives experiences in divorce cases, marriage is a business that majority of women have made as their preference.Also, a few men have perfected the art of hoodwinking women into marriage for material and selfish gains.But women are worse.I strongly believe that the concept of marriage as an optional life event one can move into and out of. There is a lot of talk about the decline of the traditional family all over the world and rates of marriage fell in 2015 to a record low. Nevertheless, there are those who argues that there remains something powerful about the institution of marriage and the role it plays in people’s lives. For years, marriage has been on the wane and most people are spending less time within the institution of marriage.The problem is that the divorce rate does not measure the stability of families and it’s only the ones that get married at some point that contribute to the rate of divorce.

Globally, married people are also splitting up younger than ever and are divorcing from marriages that have lasted less than was the case 20 years ago.Divorces initiated by either of the couple are an decreasing share of total divorces than has ever been the case, with a higher proportion than ever before being sought jointly. The rise of unmarried, or de facto, cohabitation are increasing being the preferred modes of relationships. Many of the benefits once reserved for marriage can be got without the wedding. Unmarried relationships are simply as strong as married ones. Overall, cohabiting couples have higher levels of dedication to the relationship with their partner and fewer structural constraints to ending the relationship when compared to married couples. Such factors are influencing decisions that partners make about whether to remain in the relationship or to end the relationship. A Zambian friend who recently separated from her de facto partner with whom he had a home and one child, said it was hard to know whether being married would have made it harder to leave her relationship.But overall, her thought was that it’s not the marriage that keeps people together Contador Harrison,” she said. “It’s your partnership.” “I never put that much emphasis, clearly, on marriage with immediate boyfriend.

Maybe if I were typical Lusaka woman, I would have thought that was important, it might have been more difficult.” In her own words, she says being married will not have changed her relationship to her partner, but it wouldn’t have made her feel “safer”.  “I think there is something good about cohabiting than marriage,” she added.In African regions that am familiar with their Marriage Laws, divorce is not allowed to be carried out except in court, after careful examination of each case by judges.In several African countries, law stipulates that divorce can only be allowed for one of the following reasons including but not limited to one of the spouses is adulterous, a drunk, a junkie, a gambler, and he or she is not yet rehabilitated.In West African countries, if one spouse leaves the other for a period of minimum two year successively without any legal reason or the other’s permission then the process of separation can legally be initiated. In three Southern African countries, if one of the spouses is convicted by a court and sentenced to a minimum period of three years’ incarceration or longer during the marriage then divorce can be implemented.In East African region, it is common to hear of divorce cases resulting form one of the spouses committing cruelty and extreme oppression which threatens the other’s safety and a good point is Kenyan town called Nyeri which has Africa’s bravest women.

In the recent past, women from that region have hit the headlines in regional media for beating their husbands and partners to an extent of plucking their manhood.Sadly, it is common in Central African countries to have divorce when one of the spouses suffers from a chronic disease or physical defect which is incurable, preventing him or her from fulfilling his or her spousal duties and the spouses are in an extreme and continuous dispute without hope of living together in harmony. In Australia, spouses can mutually agree to end their marriage contract after 12 months of living separate lives. Research has shown that in New South Wales, Victoria, spouses have tried to bypass the law by presenting a joint agreement to divorce while they did not have any legal reason to support their desire to divorce as stated by the law.However, in Australia, Judges cannot divorce spouses if their marriage is deepened to be harmonious. Me think that courts should work hard to save family unity and judges endeavour to reconcile spouses by giving them advice and offer serious attention to the mediation procedure.Marriage is not what it used to be during our forefathers times.Modern couples believes they cannot fix their marriage, heal from conflicts and overcome the challenges they go through as part of life.Those who stick together, difficulties are plenty.Indeed, broken marriages are for broken couples.Those who can avoid the bedrock of stress, better do so.Those who want to test how deep waters are, wish them luck!

Contador Harrison