Partner Swapping in Africa

July 29, 2016

Partner swapping is one of the most disgusting behaviour according to traditionalists but to liberal minded folks its just a value addition to sexual life.For more than 60 years, swingers numbers have grown incredibly high and the trend is now a global phenomenon. Partner swapping has become a great sexual adventure of a generation and our fascination with it was epitomised by the extra-marital sex romp that costs across the lower, middle, upper classes of societies, young and middle-aged couples who head off to retreats every now and then together.Though the culture is widespread in Melbourne where i met first partner swappers more than two decades ago,in East Africa, like-minded couples have made a lifestyle choice to join an erotic lucky dip.In my view, I firmly believe that any adult has a right to do as they wish as long as they’re not committing crimes or hurting anyone but on the other hand, i wonder whether partner swapping couples are concerned with side effects of swapping women and men for sexual pleasure.In East Africa, Kenya and Uganda, swapping of partners has become the norm despite concern with AIDS, the scene slowly gained traction and according to an ex swapper who is living with AIDS, those in that business do not care an inch about the disease but for him, he has a million regrets and he gained nothing from his escapades.According to an online swinging magazine that focuses on swingers from Kenya and Uganda, the partner-swapping scene is far from underground and is popular with both middle and upper class of societies. In fact, it is booming in four cities according to the magazine namely Kampala, Nairobi, Kisumu and Mombasa and is also gaining in towns like Eldoret, Busia, Entebbe, Mbale and Malindi.In main cities of Kampala and Nairobi, there are about 29 swinging parties are thrown most weekends, compared to Mombasa’s paltry seven parties, and fewer in other states. To many, this makes Nairobi and Kampala the swinging cities in East Africa. I went online to check on the East Africa’s dark web and events are listed on sites where there is a personal ads board and a definitive guide called the East African Guide to Swinging including the statement that ‘Kenyan women may find the swinging community to be a welcome dose of sanity’ and ‘Uganda women may find the swinging community to be a refreshing physical and mental dose’….whatever the two mean.On the same websites, stories are rife about linking up in some of Kampala’s more adventurous leafy suburbs like Kololo, Naguru and in Nairobi areas like Lavington, Kileleshwa, Runda and Karen are among the listed.

I decided to contact a couple of Kenyan friends who live and work in Nairobi to fins out whether they know about this partner swapping culture and as I expected, eyewitness accounts are hard to come by and a definitive data base does not exist.This is bet is because the two countries are notoriously conservative and anything that is without the pre conditioned colonial set up of religion and family order is unwelcome discussion. I never gave up and went ahead and sought the views of Zambian sociologists whom I have known for more than eight years and she told me that the sexual movement is secretive just like freemasons. The 47 years old mother of three, is currently doing research, but keeping her work under wraps for fear of losing her christian organisation funded funding and another is and couldn’t share more about what she knows about partner swapping in Southern Africa countriesShe did however connect me to a 37 years old bloke from Lusaka, Zambia who was honest about the scene that society labels as a one way ticket to male utopia. The Zambian bloke moral code is also fairly rigorous.As a winger, he only has safe sex and does not sleep with married people who keep their swinging a secret from partners.In addition, the bloke doesn’t sleep with any woman he feels are there under duress to satisfy their partner’s fantasies but he revealed to me he only indulge swingers whose company he enjoys socially. He also explained how turning women on turns him on and his game is that simple.He further shared how during the Euro cup finals that pitted France and Portugal early this month he took a partner to a get-together when her fantasy was to have a number of guys and there were eight at the time. Unfortunately, most guys wouldn’t do that because there’s nothing in it for them. It didn’t make me uncomfortable at all. After our chat, he arranged for me to link up with a female swinger who is married and doesn’t mind about having multiple partners.

When I asked her whether she cares about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, she told me that a human being has only one life to live.Surprisingly, she works for an international bank in Lusaka and is married with two kids both of them school going.She was quick to point out how she has come across others who try to take take advantage of the scene especially men who treat partner swapping as a meat market, then there are manipulative type of swingers, single women who play havoc with happily swinging couples, men who encourage their wives into bisexual encounters but who baulk at the thought of fulfilling her double-lover dreams. “Contador Harrison there’s no doubt in my mind that there is a double standard operating but it’s not everybody but I’d say 70 per cent of Zambian men do have it, and begrudgingly cooperate with their partners’ desires to get what they want but that’s not good enough,” said the lady. A Harare based swinger was my next contact is my mission to establish how deep this culture is in East and Southern Africa countries.The swinger of caucasian origin believes swinging is best approached as a value added service to a healthy sex life. “A lot of Harare couples who have open relationships who swing separately within and outside the scene, never seem really close.” There are exceptions but to his mind, open relationships are generally a recipe for disaster.He added that he thinks people need to be more honest about their sexuality. Monogamy is something that nobody really wants, deep down inside. I think what people want is a monogamous partner someone to come home to.His own view is that monogamy wears a bit thin, for women too.The internet has also made it easier for curious couples to hook up via personal ads as the dark web in Africa shows.According to figures that I managed to obtain, the number of couples seeking couples personal ads placed online and in swingers’ magazines in Kenya, South Africa, Uganda, Zambia and Zimbabwe has increased from an average of 900 per month in 2012 to 7,000 per month in January 2016.

I also spent sometime watching some of the videos of swingers club that are posted on dark web in Africa and scenarios varies where knickers are thrown in the drum of a washing machine and spun around for the picking in one of the parties in Durban, South Africa. To be a member of swinging club in Kenya, Uganda and South Africa, you’ve to be vetted over the phone before they receive an invitation to a party at a private venue. Some parties may charge a nominal fee to cover costs. People arrive in couples, some parties allow single women, and fewer, single men and immediately change into erotic outfits. In Kenya, one swinging club adverts on the dark web details how swingers head to the bar area for a few social drinks but drunkenness and drugs are discouraged. It’s like a regular party except the theme is flesh to impress. In Uganda, Kololo clubs notes that size and shape is inconsequential, personality rules, so if you’re into six-packs, swinging’s not suitable for you. In Zambia, an advert on the web describes how a variety of pleasures are offered in designated areas from group sex, one-on-one encounters, or exhibitionists and voyeurs only.The host couple lays down the rules for the benefit of newcomers like no means no, ask before you make a pass, some rooms are all hands on deck, if a door’s closed, entry is prohibited, if you don’t want to participate, you don’t have to, no unruly or aberrant behaviour. Abiding by etiquette in this sexually charged environment is essential.Swinging couples usually make rules to protect their relationships. In Cape Town, some swing only as a couple at parties, some swing separately at parties, some also swing outside parties, some will only perform certain sexual acts with others and save one special indulgence for their partner. Swingers have to understand that the people who attend are usually very highly sexed and want to explore their sexual fantasies in a safe environment. With the right attitude, and loving commitment to your partner, you can ward off the inevitable boredom of a monogamous sex life, says the advert available on dark web.In the end, I learned plenty of new couples, who are usually nervous, are made to feel comfortable and women’s wishes are treated with respect.Overall,most people like me before this fact finding mission used to think women are pushed or forced into it but in the end I got to know that most women come because they want to be there.Lots of women want to try it but are brought up so badly that they’re terrified of exploring their sexuality.However, some women go to partner swapping purely to satisfy their husband’s fantasies.For men, its the usual appetites for fling that makes them join the swapping clubs.Indeed, what started in western world as a sexual fantasies clubs has spread to Africa albeit in secret.

Contador Harrison