As a singleton, I love listening to some love music that acts as a moderation to heavy listening of rock music. One of that song is Foreigner’s I want to know, which i recommended to a friend who eighteen months ago boasted how love life was doing justice to her. While sampling the same track recently, i sought to know how sweet life has become for her but the reply was heartbreaking. “Contador, I’m fucking sick to death of it. Fucking sick to the stomach to be precise. Something has to change and I think it starts with men being educated about love, the love of privilege, and constructs of love. I honestly think that men react the way they do because they genuinely have no idea what the hell love is about. My brother Contador your one of the most influential friends in my life, and when you said to me two years ago that girls should watch what they wear in certain areas at certain times in the interests of their own safety, i didn’t take you seriously because I knew you’ve no clue about love and nightlife. Little did i know even my boyfriend can have such an attitude ingrained. It is what men think. Initially i was loved, treated like a queen, then I was raped, beaten and left lifeless just because of love. He is in jail but that will never erase the tragedy of my love life” Her response said it all, that few knows what love is and on many occasions it ends up being a painful experience. In trying to calm her down, i made it clear that she has to understand that traditional masculine stereotypes are maladapted to the 21st century and thats not gonna change anytime soon. I know of many cases where physical violence often expressed in sexual violence remains the mainstay of traditional masculinity in both developed and developing countries. In my view that case of my friend is a reminder that the role men play in society need to change if we are to avoid such challenges. In some countries it is changing, but at snail pace. Other countries its worsening like republic of South Africa where more than 1 million women are raped annually and over 12,000 kids raped and killed every year.As a bloke, I think the focus needs to shift to encouraging people to maximise their individual potential, and the necessary education and legislation put in place for that to happen. Am one of those who feel that gender pedagogy should be taught at preschool and kindergarten because leaving it up to parents, who themselves are often ignorant about gender-relations, isn’t enough and as studies shows it hasn’t worked for generations.
Though i’m not a heavy user of social media, i can confidently say that it is rare to find a female who hadn’t endured some kind of ridicule online often for what those bashing our sisters and mothers call stepping out of line. A couple of months back, a prominent Tanzanian female journalist was accused of being immoral for wearing a trouser while reporting in a burial of a local politician. When i saw the comments online, i couldn’t imagine how buffoonery men have become no matter the age or education level. How on earth is wearing a trouser immoral? Get a life all those ridiculed the young lady and those who have such behaviours should get a life! When the society dictates that a woman’s value is primarily attached to her looks and deferential behaviour, it’s the threat of sexually degrading insults that help to keep her in check. There are many women friends who have weathered the experience of a men calling them ugly or fat, simply because they disagreed with them or didn’t want to entertain their attentions. Of cause in my view being fat isn’t a crime but its not wise when it comes to health of a female or male species. There are many women out there facing daily ordeals from public transport facilities to men driving past women or young girls, female species face an incredible demands like showing men their tits, comments on the paucity of their looks to sexual overtures, failures to address such always result in women facing insults, assaults and even in some cases rape and murder.So, with such cases, what is love? In my view its an artificial process that is meant to last as fast as its started. Its shameful that the herculean task for our mothers, sisters and daughters liberation, their last alternative to participate in a 21st century society see their male species counterparts place their sexual availability at a premium whether by consent or not. It is common to see or hear men who want to have sex with women they don’t even know or has never met, an evidence that men are more of an aspiration than wanting to see female species as an equal human being in their own right, with opinions and thoughts worthy of consideration and an autonomy that is theirs and theirs alone. My view of love life is better kept to myself but such kind of stuff is what makes me feel proud of being single, not interested in mingling and living a deceitful life of dating but I’ve no problem with those who do it because its their right.