As a tween, I learned that there’s a difference between making love and having sex. Thats why when I was going through old books in my library i took note of this book written by Barry White, a bloke whose music was more about love than anything else. In real sense, the difference is between making love and having sex is actually significant. Of cause thats not what this book is all about, the writer was strictly focused on guiding us men how to make our fun bags handlers happy. Whether a human being, wild animals or a living organism sex is one of the most influential driving energies of any living species and plays a huge part in the lives we live in. Sex can be the cause of so much pleasure and at times frustration hence the reason for White to guide fellow men on what he thought were applicable and superb ideas. White was trying to address the obvious frustration of men that just can’t get any sex, the frustrated men with mediocre or just plain sex which is shameful. White extensively tries to address factors that are considered crucial in sex games like the woman having multiple, earth-shattering, full body orgasms without you even getting near her. It is a guide that takes a man though a scenario where the woman is willing to do anything because the bloke bring her pleasure beyond her wildest imaginations.The book is about a bloke being positive that he’s making his woman go absolutely crazy over him because of the bloke he is, and what bloke can do for her in the bedroom or should i say in the parking lot?Its the chance for the bloke to become an incredible lover and who doesn’t want to be awesomely good in bed?, in my view none including octogenarians.One of my blud once told me that arousing a woman is an art, it requires finest attention to the details, but reading this book, its clear that grounding a woman matters big time. To rile a partner up there’s need to tap into the feeling they most strongly associate with arousal. Some people need to feel safe in order to be turned on. Others want to feel challenged. Some need to feel sexy or desire. Others want to feel a little frightened.Plenty of women associate arousal with feelings of being desired. White tells the reader that teasing the woman around her entire body while avoiding her hot spots is ideal. Its important to use the backs of your hands to very slowly caress her legs, back, hips, face and neck.
When you pass over her breasts, let your fingertips linger an inch from the surface so that she can feel your warmth hovering above. As a bloke, take your time. Get closer to her hot spots and you’ll have to communicate to identify these, as they’re different for every body and then pull away to rile her into a fit of desire. White writes that most men highly underestimate the power of a woman’s mind over her body and says if her mind isn’t present within the sexual experience then her ability to become aroused will be difficult. The brain is the largest sex organ there is so stimulate her mind first before moving to the erogenous zones of her body. Making her feel safe and comfortable is the first step to arousing the mind and then securing her trust. Once safety and trust are established it’s a matter of helping her unwind from the stresses of the day and drawing into her emotionally. Show her you are interested in more than just getting into her vagina before you move into intercourse and when her mind is relaxed and free of stress her body will follow.In White’s view on Chapter Four’s The First Spark, many men assume they know exactly how a woman likes it based on past experiences or what he has seen performed in films, but every woman is different and is aroused by various sets of sexual triggers. White advises that a conversation with her before entering into any sexual activity to give her the opportunity to tell you what does it for her. Not only does this place her pleasure first, but it also makes her feel comfortable in knowing that you care about her satisfaction as much as you care about yours. And that is the ultimate turn on.The sexual parts of a woman’s body are obvious like breasts, butt, vulva, lips but there are other that matters like the backs of the thighs, the palms of the hands, behind the knee, the abdomen and the bottoms of the feet are pleasure zones that can be rubbed, caressed, lightly brushed or even blown on to generate a sexual response. White also advises men to explore a woman’s body before sex by offering a sensual rubdown beginning at the feet and then working your way up to the backs of the thighs and eventually the abdomen.
White says men need to create ambiance with soft music and make sure the room is warm which made me wonder whether this could be reason why White was always soft? In Chapter Eight’s intercourse, White also advises men not to force issues, feelings or sex ever and says men should learn how to communicate with and read body language. Don’t ever plan on having sex. If it happens on the first night, it’s totally fine but it is usually better to wait until you’re both sure about the situation. Your goals should be to earn her trust and respect instead of thinking what’s the next move to get into her bed. It will be different with all women. Desperation and neediness are major turn offs.Sex positions also matters, those old enough different types of positions.The most common one is what folks call missionary position where a bloke is on top and the couple facing each other. The eye contact, the mild male dominance and the angle of penetration make this a popular one among men but according to Barry White view, its not the only one men should be attached to.For that reason i think men should focus on other cool sexual positions too like whats street folks call CAT aka coital alignment technique also known as the frog position which looks to sacrifice elevation and power for proper positioning. Its all about targeting the clitoris for more direct rubbing and friction. Also if you are love rat you must be aware of swivel and grind, viennese oyster, spread eagle, the pancake, backdoor planking, reach the sky, the super hero, the 69, cowgirl, the cowboy to mention but a few. Now that takes me to chapter on Foreplay that White dedicated his views extensively. Does it matter? Yes of cause it does, hours before you lay your eyes or hands on each other erotic convo between the man and his partner during the day will keep her both hot and bothered.Masturbation he advises should be considered as a great foreplay method too. Also, take turns touching each other, from oral sex to man using his hands, this method definitely takes time, but will get both of man and woman so excited to finally have sex according to White.No doubt everyone has something that makes them feel attractive and White does advise men to find exactly what that thing could be.
To start off, men need to put on something that makes women feel sexy. The sexier she feel, the more confident she is when it comes to getting intimate. Chapter Nine’s The Big O and Little G is about Orgasm and G-Spot the area that feels extra good for women when men hit it and in White’s thinking a man should find their partner’s G-spot and use it to give her maximum pleasure. White say a man need to know how it works, and the best way to stimulate it for maximum pleasure. Having a few sex positions handy that target this erogenous zone will further help man’s cause.Many women experience frustration from their inability to feel sensation or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile intercourse. White says a woman’s sexual pleasure, and ultimately orgasm, is much more likely to occur from stimulation to the clitoris. Touching or pressing the clitoris, directly or indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman’s potential to orgasm. It was clear White’s advocating for exploring with foreplay and for good reasons because sometimes women may feel ready for intercourse immediately, while other times women want men to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick their vulva and clitoris, using their hands, mouth, or penis. White says the key is to have the confidence that your body is perfect, the courage to explore your individual responses on your own, the trust to share this information with a caring partner, and the humour to laugh as you learn together. Chapter Twelve’s How To Keep it Exciting was a fascinating read.In all relationships, sex does fall off the radar of must do for couples and White takes note of that and advises men to be more considerate and try adventurous moves like doing what they’ve never tried before, be sensual by creating an environment for lovemaking that appeals to both and also use this heightened sensual awareness when making love. Also being playful like taking your woman to bath, tickling her or making her laugh. Expanding sexual repertoire and varying scripts will definitely keep the spark on. In White’s words, the most important tool a man has is the attitude about sexuality and being armed with good information and a optimistic view, it will be a cakewalk to maintain a healthy sex life and keep it exciting as White says. It was a great read for a book published 33 years ago today on June 5th 1984.