Humans weren’t built to be faithful

March 23, 2015

Experts define monogamy as the state or practice of having a sexual partner at a time.Whenever I listen to one of my favorite’s rock band Green Day’s song ‘Boulevard of broken dreams,’ I always appreciate that living a single is the best I’ve made in my life.The debate about monogamy is always appetizing and more of a seductive topic as I found out few days ago while hanging out with a 40 year old bloke happily married with twins. Surprisingly,he told me that am not coded to do anything happily in life unless I get a woman to live with.Well, I don’t blame him as is among the majority who live in illusion that monogamy isn’t a practice many can manage including himself.Think of the swapping partners which has become very common but was once thought to be impossible. And for those who think am disgusting by saying so, go back to school and learn that even birds are not monogamist. The reality is that polygamy is in our genes and infidelity is part of modern day societies.I care less about  people who believe non-monogamy is evil because whether they like it or not, its a reality and in practical terms, monogamy is rare today. Monogamy is definitely facing extinction and is no longer viable.However, it is a choice that each one of us can choose to or not to have multiple sexual partners concurrently.The culprit is our own biology and I want to say that extensive research in animal behavior has always revealed that monogamy is uncommon in the natural world and it was not until the advent of DNA, did we come to appreciate how factual that is.

As a computer programmer, my expertise doesn’t allow me to dwell on such arguments because just like majority of the world, “faithful gene” don’t really exist in reality and I have very little intention in doing so. Genetic testing has shown that even among many bird species, long touted as the epitome of monogamous fidelity, it is not uncommon for up-to 60 percent of the young to be fathered by someone other than the mother’s social partner.After reading such several studies,I certainly now know scientifically what most people have long known privately that the social monogamy does not necessarily imply sexual monogamy and when it comes to human beings, women’s bodies will continue being used to justify the most flagitious oppression and exclusion. When it comes to sex, Contador Harrison leans towards polyamorist.I believe in open marriages, partnerships where everything is run like a business with both shareholders having equal shares, think of hall passes and swinging, I don’t care an inch as long as both partners are well briefed and agree to ground rules.However, I care that its a must that everyone consents without coercion and nobody feels betrayed and neither of the two wants more than what’s being offered.For many, findings of this sort may mitigate a bit of the outrage visited on the current and future generation of adulterers which has made men look clueless, and irresponsible oafs in the eyes of the moralists.

The knowledge I have on Homo sapiens is that it carries all the evolutionary stigmata of a mildly polygamous mammal in which both sexes have a penchant for occasional “extra-pair copulations” and whether or not monogamy is natural or unnatural is in fact a much less interesting topic than whether individuals are actually capable of it.In fact,humans are maximally human when they do things that contradict their biology. “Doing what comes naturally” is easy. It’s what non-human animals do. Perhaps only human beings can willingly do things themselves that go against their “nature.”And here is where things get sticky. For some, coupling is easy and for others it’s hard, often driven by sacrifices and resistance. Anyone aspiring to genuine monogamy will, on balance, have to swim upstream against the current of his or her evolutionarily bequeathed inclinations, and there are considerable biological forces supporting such efforts.Studies have shown that we benefit greatly from bi-parental care and from shared, reciprocated effort, especially when we’re confident both partners will be around for the long haul.Resisting fresh flesh for majority however, is completely undoable.We are endowed with an array of hard-wired traits that can be used to strengthen monogamy, among them a penchant to attach and connect so-called mirror neurons that underlie empathy of hormonal systems that relate sexual satisfaction to pair-bonding and neural plasticity that promotes the strengthening of brain circuits associated with repeated reward mechanisms.

Cheating according my married friend is part of marriage and he provided superb justification for cheating on his wife with a 22 year old university student and he offered no apologies.He also claimed that infidelity saved his relationship as the wife doesn’t have to deliver threesome every day and he felt imperative simply to say so as I gulped my coffee. Whether someone is in an abusive, unsatisfying or in betrayed relationships, people love their partners and only buffoons can try to come in between two love birds and with love, there are always good plans to craft reasons to forgive.Human beings have big brains and an ability to rescue monogamy from monotony, as well as the capacity to imagine the future and a visceral dislike of cheating, and the effect of biology on monogamy becomes sophisticated.Not to mention the adaptive significance of that thing called love. For those who find monogamy difficult, if not thoroughly impossible, then choosing not to go through with the deceptive manoeuvre is a cakewalk. To be certain, monogamy isn’t simple nor is it for majority of people.Polyamory and open relationships exist as options for those of who believe that mandatory coupledom is unenforceable and is outdated and a recipe for stress and in some cases premature deaths.Anyone who pretends that that he or she simply is cut out for monogamy misses the point as no one is and none of us biology precludes monogamy either.Those who doubt about my thinking, in polyamorist world, no expectations and guilt-trips and sex of the uncoupled doesn’t hurt feelings and no heartbreak seen in traditional love affairs and marriages.I believe that by abstaining from monogamy, am not cheating on anyone.

Contador Harrison