How a friend saved her marriage
A female friend couple of days ago asked if I’ve changed my views on marriage, little did i know that what she’s been going through in her half a decade engagement, of cause my answer was a big NO! In 2012, the lady shared with your blogger how she happily married the best husband on earth who she met at age 25. I vividly recall her saying that she would be devastated if she was to fail in their marriage. “I would hate it if my husband wanted to end this marriage in any way but I would be heartbroken especially if he wanted to go off and have sex with other women,” she said at the time. I told her no relationship is black and white and all of them exists in nuance. And there is no need to judge other people because we all evolve in our behaviors. Recently, she revealed to your blogger how she started feeling her relationship was starting to crumble to an extent her struggles were too much to bear and wanted to call it quits.For the Melbourne born lady, the answer was somewhere in between salvaging it or walking away.They had been married for two years when things started to sour in 2014 and the fighting turned bitter and personal. They had no kid and when they started to hit the wall with conceiving a child the simple stresses of life started to take a toll on them.”We had struggled on for a good four years,” she said. “There came a point where trying to manage what was going on with failure to conceive, and us actually managing our relationship, just became a bit too much for us.”There were many key things that happened, fights, insults and even not talking to each other for months. Despite all that, the idea of actually splitting up properly was just too painful for both as their parents knew each other. “We just didn’t want to be nasty to each other any more and make each other miserable than already we were.”The lady moved out from their house in Collingwood they had bought together and into a rental in Thomastown. They did however agree set of rules around on how their finances were going to be handled.She added they also agreed they weren’t seeing other people. Beyond that, however, there we no specific rules or set timeline for how long they would continue to live their separate lives.
My friend said: “I am a proud feminist and I want women to have equal opportunity in their marriages.” But while improvements have been made in achieving equality for women, there is still a long way to go and she wants men to step up and value women as the important asset they are. “At the moment, there are still men who consider women in their marriage as a dodgy bet if they can’t conceive,” she said. “Until men regard giving birth and child rearing as something that is not natural and may need use of technology to conceive, women will always be held back.” She says men need to be the biggest allies of women and more males need to say something when they see challenges for the females in their life. “I want men to step up and do their share allowing women to have bodily autonomy. The next step for them was to start seeing a psychologist to work through their troubles. And the psychologist came up with a solution that none of them expected by telling the couple to go and take a break as it was wise to have a good understanding of what they were hoping to achieve in their marriage. After the break, both agreed to conceive through a surrogate and the husband who had struggled deeply with depression and suicidal urges said he now feels really well and is in a good place in his life.I also reached out to her husband as he is well know to your blogger and said, “Contador Harrison I would say to people if they are having breakdowns in their marriages, wait it out and find something to solve it.” “Now that I am through it, I’m so glad that I’m alive. I didn’t think I would ever feel normal or happy again in this marriage but I really do. “So I can promise people there really is hope in marriages even when feeling gutted, hopeless and suicidal.” They both agreed that going their separate ways was the smartest decision they have ever made in the midst of their marriage anguish.In fact the lady said she would encourage other people to give this a go because she think it’s not the easiest way forward but it can be really worth it. For them, it’s been really worth it and are so glad that they didn’t just walk away.Since the surrogate kid was born, they now live together, an opportunity that has presented them with a chance on how to handle their marriage challenges. It isn’t that we got to a point and thought, oh all the problems are solved let’s slot back in together’, there was a solid foundation laid to ensure their marriage holds, the joyful lady said. The couple acknowledged to your blogger their method of getting things back on track wouldn’t be for everyone, and that it could only work if a couple with similar challenges are committed to such an idea.