Our ancestors used to have less stress than we do today. Plenty has changed but one thing that hasn’t for centuries is that men and women are stereotypically thought of as always wanting sex. Science has shown that low sexual desire in men has become common unlike before. Back in my school days, whenever you would hear of us boys and the topic of sex drive, it was usually a conversation about some of the boys having too much of it. Boys used to have sex on the brain and that was acceptable mantra you’ll often hear whether in class, break time or even evening classes.A great friend of mine does believe low sexual desire in both boys and men is becoming fashionable but apparently it’s affecting many of us than we realize.He believes the cause is that boys and men of these days are so occupied with life and are tired and stressed for sex. On that observation, I tend to agree that when one is really exhausted at the end of the day, fatigue will eventually overwhelm, others are overwhelmed by stress as well just switch off and they go into their cocoon. In my opinion, causes of low sex drive in men can vary from shrunken libido to stress, relationship dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction with partner, being fed up with partner as well just losing appetite.For older men, I believe erectile dysfunction where Cialis, Viagra and Levitra having been of great help, is also a big challenge for men.However, i feel that by far and large the biggest factors that has sunk men appetite are stress and fatigue. Although men all very different in their own ways, the difference between desire and the ability to be sexually aroused is almost similar.Me think that desire and arousal are inextricably linked but desire doesn’t necessarily need to precipitate arousal. Sexual response tradition has always been thought to be linear, that a man has got to have basic desire followed by arousal, then plateau, then your orgasm and then resolution.Also, some men allows themselves to become aroused and then augment desire making it a kind of a circular pattern that is dynamic. According to a sex therapist friend who lives in Christchurch in New Zealand, the idea of having sex to feel desire rather than desiring to have sex has put a lot of women offside and most affected are those in marriage and relationships.
Her view is that circular nature of sex and desire also plays out in the pursuer distancer which she defines as the person that’s wanting sex pursues the person that is doing the retreating and pushing them further away.What happens in the situation where the woman is pursuing the man for sex, it becomes difficult on a number of fronts. She argues that its challenging because women aren’t conditioned to rejection like, to some extent, men are and also women are brought up with the notion that all men want sex, so when her partner doesn’t want sex she starts to panic and goes into a tailspin.Her view is that women gets really suspicious and this escalates the conflict and their desperate attempts to create intimacy often backfire and end in more conflict.In such scenarios, she advises that conflict resolution needed.A couple people need to back down and to understand and recognise what’s happening. In her work, she has come to accept that desire is elusive.She says that women need to really understand what does desire mean to men. If man or woman has a natural inclination to wanting to make love twice a month then so be it but there shouldn’t be cases where a man or woman is forced.She believe its always about compromise but it’s compromise in a way where there’s not resentment because when resentment builds it can become dangerous in the partnership. For men, metabolic syndrome, illnesses like diabetes, obesity, hypertension and depression, and as well as all the medications that often men are on to combat all those diseases all have a massive effect on their sexual performance.In the deficit of proper advise, many men can begin to wrongly self diagnose and end up in a self-perpetuating cycle of panic.When I asked ten male friends about their sex life, less than half of them expressed an interest in wanting sex every day. Just over a quarter wanted it two to three times a week, and then it tapers off, with some telling me once a month or less is what they need.Their responses suggests that sex life problem affects men directly and indirectly.The biggest challenge for bringing the subject of my ten male friends sex desire out into the open, was to deal with the legacy of male expectations around sex. Although the fact that all men have a robust drive and should enjoy having sex and want to have it, it’s a social sexual construct in my view and not indicative of all men, even though women and girls out there are led to believe that.