Felicity isn’t sex, flowers, hearts and romance
When a friend recently shared with me how his attempt in marriage has cost him dearly, I could only sympathise. He is now a nester seeking divorce following less than a calendar long marriage breakdown.The first few years of marriage remains the danger period for most couples. In my friend’s case, the concealing of facts about her complications instigated his efforts to divorces as it came as a shock to him and family members.That and another involving a female friend who found his man was cheating barely six months into their marriage, reminded me that whether its marriage, relationship, nothing counts. Whether you have most enjoyable sex, give or get the best gifts, holidays and lingerie, happiness isn’t easy to achieve in life. When a friend once told me that he can’t date a woman without shaved legs, i realised that felicity or do i call it happiness, is more than ever, a rare commodity. Whenever I listen to Rod Stewart’s song Rhythm of My Heart, my feel is that happiness in a relationship is supposed to be shared values. To borrow some of Stewart’s lyrics, “Photographs and kerosene light up my darkness, light it up, light it up, I can still feel the touch of your thin blue jeans, Running down the alley I’ve got my eyes all over you baby, Oh baby”, means in my view that If you can build your relationship with shared values as a foundation, you will find spending your life with your partner immensely more fulfilling. But how many people know what values they share with their partner, value time together balanced with time apart or aim to have success in their career. Again, as Stewart’s sing in the same song “The flames are getting higher in effigy, Burning down the bridges of my memory, Love may still be alive somewhere someway, where they’re downing only deer, a hundred steel towns away”, I ask myself would love birds like to travel the world or change the world by creating a new world? Understanding out your shared values and then building a relationship based on understanding these values is an integral part of a successful connection. Combining and honouring your own values along with creating a set of shared values with your partner, perhaps listening to Rod Stewart’s Rhythm of My Heart in bed together with no interruptions, you’re likely to be on your way to a whole hearted, balanced, beautiful partnership.
In world full of single and ready to mingle folks and dating as much as they would like, disappointments are bound to be plenty. A dating culture really doesn’t exist in most people according to my own thinking due to lack of self-confidence and chivalry.In the era of social media, most people have packaged mentality about love. You will see groups of guys and girls, men and women online and never shall they meet.It’s also something to do with traditional love set ups and how people see themselves. I know many women who sit back and let their men do all of the hard grafting and even it comes to relationships or marriage, the 20th century mentality that all communication is initiated by men, still exists and affects the game of love. There is much to learn from our pasts and those who came and went from our lives but surely, does a bloke has to be the one to make a step? Come on ladies, the world has changed and good men have become rare commodity. There is much, in my view, to learn from looking within ourselves and accepting ourselves for who we are. To be happy, me thinks means to accept yourself, through times of both happiness and sadness. I have had plenty of sadness in my life but without it, I couldn’t have understood what it means to be happy. Sometimes i ask myself, “Why not me?” without looking to see that there is already much to be grateful and happy for, within me and around me.My perceptions, shaped by my experiences, too often skew my abilities to find the happiness that exists within me, so when I can’t change my perception, i suffer. This doesn’t just go for relationships, in fact, the key to improving everything in my life starts with improving my perception of everything in my life and this begins with me. Whether your rich or poor, none of us can erase or wipe out past experiences, but as in my case, we can perceive them differently. Times are changing and thanks to many apps available online, stigma out of dating is being extinguished slowly and encouraging singletons to get out there and take the bull by the horns, so to speak mainly those looking for casual sex.
Apps are great and provides another option for people, but it’s for people with short-term relationship goals. The problem is that mobile apps are for long-term relationships, that’s a problem but on the other hand who wants eternal relationships?Life is never a fairytale, and no relationship goes without its troubles and trials. Understanding happiness means understanding sadness.A friend who is baby boomer was recently telling how its hard to see men and women integrating on nights out unlike his childhood and that social connectedness is no more. I challenged the baby boomer whether she wanted us millennials to copy and paste their way of life which was pre-computer era? Opening up about her own experiences, she said she would not usually be willing to just walk up to someone who caught her eye on a night out because he’s surrounded by intimidating friends. I told her that the purpose of love relationships is to help awaken the inherent balance existing around and within self, and to assist in acknowledging own magnificence and wholeness and not to other way round.In comparison to baby boomer’s generation, with internet, folks have found it so much easier to date. “I find that on dating sites, the girls, well my girlfriend anyways, are way more comfortable and relaxed to talk to and, when it comes to dates, there are just so many more options and things to do.”After a week or two together chatting online, we were very comfortable around each other and it felt like I knew him for years when we met last month,” a relative told me recently when he was sharing about his new life living in Cairns.Happiness is never permanent, and the fleetingness shouldn’t leave us disappointed and frustrated.I hear so much of stories involving friends and their relationships in wildly different situations. For me, it doesn’t matter what the setting is, or who the characters are, at the crux of the issue is the same central character running the same patterns again and again.
In my life, I have never been desperately to want to be happy but have cases where friends do their absolute best to ensure their partners are content but can’t figure out how to make themselves happy. A couple of them over the years i’ve seen them believe fixing their relationships with others will make them happier. Its a matter of life and death for them when they see happiness as the end goal, somewhere to just reach and be able to have successful, fulfilling relationships and achieve individual dreams. I have never understood why such people don’t know happiness can never be the ultimate goal. If a person never changes perception, never will they appreciate all that they have to be happy and grateful for. The ultimate goal has to be love and that can only begin in the centre of the story. Failure of relationships is the greatest destroyer of personal wealth whether materially or spiritually. I witnessed that with a relative who despite working his ass off, saw his property used as settlement in the splitting of assets in a big money case with his single handedly acquired marital property worth more than $5m. Almost a decade now, the pain i saw him go though, being the person who created the wealth and yet got far less of it, made me make a vow that marriage is only meant for buffoons because i can’t understand what value my relative got in seeing his marital assets split, even though he created all of the wealth while the wife stayed at home, and oh, i can’t forget how fat she had become for eating well, thanks to my relative moolah! She never got employed in their 13 years marriage and contributed nothing, please spare me your thought that she cooked and took care of him, which men can’t do that anyway, including spoilt brats? That case and many others made me make a vow to meet grim reaper without tying a knot, the source of all stress us men face today. After all, am a millennial and we grew up with choice of either having a ‘Saturday night girl’ or a ‘Sunday morning girl.’