Feeling suicidal: No problem lasts forever

October 12, 2017

Suicide is part of the cycle of life, but it can be one of the most difficult and painful subjects to discuss but whenever i listen to songs like System of a Down song Soil, Brendan’s Death Song by Red Hot Chili Peppers and Metallica’s Fade to Black the more i get to understand why feeling suicidal has been mainstream for decades.Suicide is the leading cause of death for folks aged between 13 and 40, an age bracket that covers your blogger as well with unknown number of people dying by suicide every year. For every suicide, there are tragic ripple effects for friends, families, colleagues and the broader community.My mom used to tell me as a teen that if someone I know seems to be struggling, I should reach out and connect with them. Showing that I care could make a huge difference. If i find that a friend is struggling, it feel better to reach out for support, I talk and make some positive changes.In my case, when am mentally disturbed i do something that brings me amount of pleasure before, such as taking a walk, listening to music, taking a hot bath, watching telly, reading or some jogging.People get through such challenges every day and feel as badly as someone could be feeling now as i write this. Just like many other people i know, i have had thoughts of suicide at one point in my life but an event in Australian summer of 1998 when a cousin’s friend was bullied during school holidays changed all that. What followed was that my cousin took his own life, he gave up when someone close to him died after they had a bad breakup from a relationship.The bullying that took place in Gold Coast on his friend had a profound effect on the way he was thinking and how he felt, regardless of how his friend was bullied. He was extremely depressed, felt worthless and hopeless that his situation will never change after his friend death.Unfortunately, in his friend case, bullying did not get enough recognition and was not reported soon enough until everything was out of control and the victim committed suicide as the only way to escape the pain that he was experiencing. That triggered what was later discovered to be mental illness in my cousin, one of the most common causes of suicide. He felt helpless and feared that he may never feel normal again following the loss of his friend. According to someone who was close to cousin, the only way to end the pain he faced after the friend death was to end his life.

The traumatic experience of learning that my closest cousin has taken his life affected me and changed the way I view life as an individual.I went through trauma, felt extremely guilt why i wasn’t near him that time and lead to thoughts of suicide of my own. Despite that, I never developed post traumatic stress disorder which is characterized by flashbacks or blockage of memories surrounding the traumatic experience like that of losing my cousin. It is a condition that can cause intense feelings of anxiety, interfere with managing a normal life and suicidal thoughts aren’t far according to a doctor friend who recently felt like taking his own life after seeing his wife in Melbourne cheat and sire kid with another man while he was working in Japan. I encouraged him to seek an alternative to his life, get another woman and move on, after all, i reminded him I’ve survived for ages without a skirtie in my life.There is no argument that anxiety causes fear in my surroundings and prevent me from adapting to changes in life like when a neighbor told me that since I don’t have a woman in life, i better see if attending social events can help your blogger see women in different mirror, but thats not a solution but rather a compounding of problems. In fact, am allergic to public life and anything that goes with it. In some cases, anxiety makes it extremely difficult for me to maintain friendships as I can’t stand someone asking me to meet them on weekend when i should be reading a book.Over a decade ago, the combination of loneliness and fear led me to think about suicide but with time I’ve managed how to handle such challenges. For the Doctor friend, problems in his relationship, has made him not feel appreciated and going through break-ups is now a big struggle in his life. This is especially true for his romantic relationships with a woman she had enjoyed a marriage for three years before his employer asked him to travel for seven months in Tokyo, only to come back and find the wife puffed.Problems in romantic relationship can lead to more intense feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt and panic as the case with him. Relationship problem has caused a lot of emotional pain and drowned him in suicidal thoughts. Feeling afraid of isolation, he has been looking for relief in drugs and alcohol but as I told him, such solutions will only add more misery to his already bruised life.In world of suicidal thoughts, its hard to cope with emotional pain and feeling hopeless is normal. However, in my view it is important to know that pain is an inevitable part of life and can tell you I’ve been reading and blogging as part of managing painful and difficult moments in my life. Each one of us can deal with pain to a certain extent, but intense emotional pain may lead to suicidal thoughts. Being able to understand what causes suicidal thoughts helps in getting out of them and regaining back control.If feeling suicidal, please remember no problem lasts forever.

Contador Harrison