“A soul mate is not found.A soul mate is designed”
When a female friend of mine talks about marriage and love relationships, she prefers aphorisms above all other devices to illustrate her points.“They say love is blind. Marriage is the real eye opener,” says the lady, sitting next to her 45 years old male friend of mine she is currently dating. The couple have been dating for six years, but according to the lady, the first four “were hell.” This is striking considering that the lady is relationship coach who claims to have saved countless marriages and relationships since the start of 2007.She has a mission to touch more than half a million lives by “synergy,” a ripple effect where her intervention is the innermost ring.She credits the problems that plagued her and boyfriend as the starting point from which he began building her current philosophies on relationships and marriage. “If Contador Harrison asked what our problems were, we couldn’t tell him. We had thousands of small problems. If our parents asked and we told them, they would laugh because they considered these petty problems,” the lady says.She says the accumulation of differences in relationship, especially differences in personality and culture, add up to conflict. After consulting many experts and reading a dozen of books, attending seminars focused on love, relationship and marriage conflict resolution and observing the patterns of behavior found in the healthier of her friends’ marriages, she began to apply various techniques to her relationship until she noticed a difference.
“We had to fine-tune the way of our thinking, our paradigm,” the lady says of the rehabilitation of her relationships that will soon lead to marriage. It was while he was working out the issues in her marriage that she began giving advice to friends who were also facing conflicts in their relationships and marriages. One friend remarked that she had a “very rare” ability to give advice. “We just jumped into marriage counseling. Surprisingly, demand came,” the lady revealed. In the case of her husband to be, his name was passed around by word-of-mouth among many middle class couples who had been married for more than five years.When couples seek their help, they would initially meets husbands and wives in separate sessions at coffee cafe that include sitting in on sessions with wives in order to encourage a rapport. “At the first session, the lady asked a couple, ‘What do you two want? What are you two expectations.? If you’re looking for a solution, I can help.
In most cases they have found out the common source of spousal conflict stems from dysfunctional relationships with parents and a study they just finalized working on has revealed that negative feelings from relationships with parents are transferred into emulations of the parents’ poor relationship behaviors.The couple also feels they suffered from repressed anger toward their parents that carried over into their relationship. When couples come to counseling, she often finds that they suffer from various “problems” that affect their perception of the conflict and even the role of therapy itself.“People believe, ‘This is me. You have to take me as I am,’ ” the lady says. Yet, in Contador Harrison’s view, “a soul mate is not found. A soul mate is designed. If you want to have a prince in your married life, become a princess first.”“Transforming a person takes time,” and she believes “It’s a long journey. Me and my husband don’t fix the problem. We equip our clients to fix the problem themselves. Don’t approach me like I am a doctor. It’s like coming to a nutritionist.” At the end of our coffee meeting with the couple, I learned that the best strategy to achieving happiness in relationship or marriage is to constantly work at it and we shouldn’t wait for the happiness.